A Marriage of Convenience
by Sumi-Sprite
Summary: Jack and Tooth, both tenants of the same New York apartment complex as the famous horror novelist, Pitch Black, run across a man that claims to be Pitch's husband…so, yeah. Shenanigans ensure. CRACK, OC/Canon character (sort of), silliness, Sumi is a Stupid Lil Squiddy. T for swearing. Warnings inside!
1. Chapter 1

**A Marriage of Convenience.**

 _A/N~ Okay so…my best friend_ _ **Xion5**_ _from and I had a conversation sometime last year, about Pitch's relationship with my OC, Samhain. And basically what follow is that I explained to her that, if they were human, these would be the two friends who would marry each other JUST for the benefits, and making their friendship 'official'. These are the bros you want in your life; these are the bros confident guys strive to be (I think?) and it SOMEHOW spiraled after I watched a certain episode of_ _ **Friends.**_

 _It's been finished for a couple weeks now, and I only now decided I might as well post it because…well, I have nothing better to do. XD So enjoy!_

 _ **NOTICE!**_ _This is a_ _ **humanized!Guardians**_ _AU, so everyone is human and on good terms./i_

 _ **Summary:**_

 _Jack and Tooth, both tenants of the same New York apartment complex as the famous horror novelist, Pitch Black, run across a man that claims to be Pitch's husband…so, yeah. Shenanigans ensure._

 _ **WARNING!**_ _For AU, humanized Guardians, OCs, and adorable gayness from two BFFs that marry each other for numerous benefits, mutual and healthy divorce./i_

 **~s~s~S~s~s~**

"I'm telling you, Tooth! If that professor gives me _one more_ frowny face on an assignment-!"

"Jack, you put, 'this is not my job' on more than half of the questions on the assignment…"

"It's creative witticism! Isn't that what the class is for?"

"That was your history class…"

Jack paused, considering as the elevator lifted them from the ground floor to their own lofty floor. He sighed in dramatic exasperation and hefted his worn messenger bag over his shoulder.

"Well if you're so smart, why not do my homework for me?" he shot the dentist-in-training a dashing smile. But the other was not deterred.

"This isn't high school, Jack. You can't get me to do your homework by flashing a pearly white smile and flexing your…" she eyed the scrawny arms hidden by a blue hoodie and snorted. "Bulging biceps…!"

"Oh, laugh it up! Come Junior year, I'll be a ripped stud and it'll be your loss!" Jack pouted, crossing his arms.

Tooth laughed just as the elevator dinged and stopped on their floor. She adjusted her purse as the doors slid open. "Don't worry, just put more time into studying for once, or ask Pitch to help-oh!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Both Tooth and Jack backed up form nearly colliding with a dark brown pea coat covered torso. A bouquet of what appeared to be yellow roses was held to the mentioned torso, and Tooth found her face nearly slamming right into the delicate arrangement.

The dental assistant puffed and shook her head to dislodge a few petals from her face. "Oh my god, I am so sorry!"

"No, please, it's not your fault. I should have looked before rushing into the elevator," the man protested, waving a hand dismissively.

Both Tooth and Jack blinked, taking in the man before them. They had at first been caught off guard by his accent – a very faint, but obvious Scottish or perhaps Irish brogue with a distinctly English enunciation. His appearance had them taking a step back in startled bewilderment.

He was a tall and lithe man, not unlike their previously mentioned neighbor. He was a few inches shorter than Pitch though, and any similarities they may have would stop at their height, complexion and build. The man had a wild, yet soft looking head of long hair the color of dark auburn – reminding them of the Redwood trees of California. It was held back in a loose ponytail that cascaded down his back between his shoulders, a few errant locks falling in a charmingly roguish mess around his narrow face. His eyes were a startling amber-orange; with reds, yellows, and browns bursting around his pupils like a whirlwind of autumn leaves. He was clothed in a simple yet elegant brown pea coat, a pair of black pants, and dark brown boots. A gold band etched with a Celtic knot encircled his left ring-finger, both hands gently cradling the bouquet of bright yellow roses.

He was a handsome man, if a bit startling at first glance – purely for his unusual hair color, vivid eyes, and fae-like bone structure. And the flowers, that was a bit noteworthy too.

"I apologize, but did you by chance mention the name 'Pitch'?" the man asked. Tooth blinked, looking at Jack questioningly. The college student shrugged.

"Um, yeah. He's our neighbor. But if you're here for an autograph or something, he's probably gonna charge you," Jack said.

"Jack!" Tooth scolded, looking back at the man apologetically. "I'm sorry, Jack's…ahem, anyways. Pitch can be a bit crabby is the thing, and as much as he may appreciate a nice gift-"

"Oh no, I'm not here for anything like that!" The man laughed. "I'm an old friend of his. I just came back to America yesterday to speak with him on a small matter."

"Uh-huh…" Jack said dubiously. "And the flowers…?"

The man shrugged. "It seemed only right I bring him something. Yellow roses are one of his favorites. Plus the symbolism fits."

Again, the college student and dental-assistant look to one another in confusion and uncertainty. This wasn't exactly their first time dealing with one of Pitch's less than sane admirers – apparently he had quite a cult following that could rival Lovecraft's. But this was a bit strange to them. The man was…different. He seemed too sincere, as if he actually believed he and Pitch were 'old friends'. And Jack was sure Pitch had no close friends – except Jack himself. He was going to win Pitch over one of these days, he just had to keep harassing him and knocking on his door to ask for a cup of sugar at 2am.

The man suddenly jumped slightly, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. He muttered something in some other language and put his phone away, giving the two a pleading smile.

"I'm sorry for nearly running you two over, but might I ask a small favor?" he started, "I knocked on Pitch's door a moment ago, but there was no answer. Since you are neighbors, could I ask you two to deliver these to him?"

A pair of blue and amethyst eyes blink in bewilderment. But Tooth answered before her logic could tell her to do otherwise.

"Um, sure, we can do that," she said.

"Thank you so much!" The man handed her the bouquet, and now close up, she could see there was a card nestled in the yellow petals. "Please give him my best, and tell him his husband stopped by."

Bowing his head in farewell, the man slipped into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. He waved as the doors closed, vanishing from the other two people's sight. The rumble of the elevator grew faint as it descended to the main floor, leaving a slightly bewildered Jack and Tooth behind.

"…wow, Pitch sure know how to attract the nutjobs," Jack said.

"Oh come on, Jack, I'm sure he's not-" Tooth paused, blinking once. "Wait, what did he say before he left?"

"Something about giving Pitch his regards, and to tell him his husband stopped by…" Jack said in a bored tone, before his eyes widened.

It was silent in the hallway, the two left gaping in stunned shock at the elevator doors. They both blinked and looked at each other, then at the flowers, and back at each other again.

 _Husband?!_

 **~s~S~s~**

"You're _married?!_ " Jack shrieked, "And to a _man?!_ "

"And what, pray tell, is wrong with two men marrying one another?" Pitch droned. The author was, currently, trying and failing to stifle the headache being brought on by the sudden confrontation. Jack had more than once broken into his apartment (he _had_ to find another hiding spot for the spare key), usually to raid his fridge or steal his nice, expensive pens, but this was the first time he roped the whole floor into it as well!

Taking up the space of his couch and chairs, North, Bunny, Tooth, Sandy and Jack sat in bewildered shock as the author gently arranged the yellow roses in a vase on the kitchen bar. The card once nestled in the pale petals now sat on the counter, unopened and inscribed with Pitch's name in elegant cursive. Though out of the five guests, Sandy appeared the most composed, nonchalantly sipping some Oolong tea he pilfered from Pitch's Keurig.

North scratched his head uncertainly. "Ah, I think what Jack means is…we did not know you were…well…"

"We didn't know you were playing for the same team is all," the peanut gallery known as Aster Bunnymund snorted. Pitch sighed.

"Number one, my sexual orientation is none of your business," he started, "And second of all, yes, I am married to him, but it's not a…traditional marriage."

"Who even _is_ he?" Jack asked, sitting like the monkey he was with his butt perched on the couch backing. He held one of Pitch's mugs in his hand, now filled with yet more of his stolen Keurig drinks, this time being the hot chocolate (will these people stop stealing his food?!).

Pitch looked over at Sandy. His colleague merely fixed him a wry smile.

" _You might as well tell them. It was going to come out eventually."_ He signed. Pitch sighed, leaving the roses to go stand before his audience with crossed arms.

"His name is Samhain Druid Sabbath," he started, "He and I attended the same private school in England before we came to the states for college."

"So…?" Jack probed.

"Hush, I'm getting there," Pitch scolded. "We were always close, or rather he tolerated my prickly, acidic personality, and I tolerated his strange, innocuous yet devious quirks. We grew very close over time-"

"And you got married."

"Jack, _hush,_ " Pitch snapped, shutting the college student up. "After we graduated high school, we decided to move to the states for university. And as you can imagine, two young, exotic men were not something easily ignored in the big city-"

"So you-"

"Frost, I swear on my marriage vows that if you interrupt me one more time, I will sneak into your room at night and smother you with Bunnymund's underwear," Pitch deadpanned.

Now quiet – and both he and the florist thoroughly disgusted – Pitch continued.

"We were pursued often. _Annoyingly_ often…" he growled. "And one day, during our senior year, we had a few drinks and got to talking about marriage. It somehow turned into the idea that we should get married to each other, in which case, the wedding bands would deter most persistent suitors, and it would make our friendship 'official'…"

He suddenly paused, looking away in mild shame.

"That…and, well, the benefits for married couples is nothing to sniff at. And we registered for gifts, so our first apartments did not go on to be tastelessly decorated for very long…and if we were going to marry anyone, it might as well be our best friend, so…"

The fifth floor residents _stared_ at Pitch with gaping mouths and wide eyes. Pitch bit his lip and withheld a snicker. Reason number four for his marriage to Samhain – seeing people's reactions to them acting like a married, love-struck pair, and seeing people's expressions when he told them of the circumstances. Though granted he had not told anyone except Sandy, but to see a collective gathering of pure shock at the revelation? Totally worth it. He even considered flinging out his phone to take a picture.

But the expressions of four variations of 'The Scream' ended when Bunny suddenly shook his head and stared at Pitch.

"How the hell can that be legal?!" he snapped.

Pitch shrugged. "We didn't do anything extravagant, and it's not like you need witnesses for a consummation…"

"Oh my god, NO! No, _never_ use that word ever again!" Jack shrieked, covering his ears. Pitch rolled his eyes.

"Oh grow up, Frost…" he muttered.

"Wait, if you two are married, where has Samhain been all this time?" North asked.

"Yeah, he said he just got back here to America yesterday. Where was he?" Tooth asked.

Sandy giggled, and Pitch threw his mute colleague a scathing look.

"Samhain is an entrepreneur and philanthropist, and as such, his particular line of work keeps him mostly in Europe. After we graduated, he was immediately offered a job back in Ireland," Pitch explained, "He did not want to go at first due to our marriage status, and simply because he did not want to 'leave me behind for a job', but I persuaded him otherwise. I was going into the navy at the time anyways, so we would be separated regardless. He's been in Europe this whole time though. Where do you think I go on the holidays?"

The others blinked, but slowly nodded. It was true though, Pitch often left American on the holidays and would not be seen for the whole holiday vacation time he was given. Everyone simply assumed he was visiting family – of which was just as unknown as this apparent husband, but it certainly seemed more plausible than Jack's theory that he was descending into hell to go celebrate with the other dungeon bats. But apparently he was, in fact, visiting a type of family during the holidays…

"So, let me see if I got this straight…" Bunny started.

"Straight as a curly fry…" Jack muttered. This earned him a hard thump upside the head from the burly florist.

" _Anyways_ , so, you married what was essentially your best friend for the benefits, keeping sluts off your tails, free stuff from wedding registration, and all probably with a little help from some booze…" Bunny said, "That doesn't sound all too convincing."

Pitch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true. I know I seem like a heartless, antisocial asshole, but Samhain is someone I deeply cherish and care for. He's been a source of stability and support for me throughout most of my adult life. If not for him, I likely would not be standing here today. I _know_ I wouldn't be if he hadn't been around when I was honorably discharged from the navy."

The others shared uneasy looks. It was a slightly quiet fact that Pitch was, overall, a very prickly man that no one would expect to have many friends, let alone any close ones. But they all knew he wasn't heartless or a 'dark and lonely artist'; he was just extremely picky about who he spent his time with. And he was antisocial, but that was something else entirely. But to hear that this man, Samhain, had also stuck around to be a support to Pitch during one of his darkest times before even Sandy met him…

It took a very special kind of person to befriend Pitch Black. Even more so, it took an extraordinary person to usher Pitch out of his shell and have him vocally proclaim his care and friendship.

In a way, the short explanation was frivolous. Their history was what counted though, and it had the marriage making more sense than the more obvious benefits and conveniences.

"So this is…marriage of convenience between good friends?" North inquired.

"That is certainly a much politer term than what most would call it…" Pitch nodded thoughtfully. "But yes, it is a marriage of convenience between two good friends. Nothing more, nothing less."

"So, wait…" Jack started, "Why don't you have a ring?"

Pitch fixed the innocently smiling college student his most scathing 'resting bitch face'.

"For your information, _Samhain_ is the one who demanded a ring," he said, "And secondly, with my publicity, I can't risk people asking too many questions or snooping into my personal life to find out who I may 'secretly' be married to. It's bad enough so many maniacs know how to find my apartment."

The last part was said with a scathing look to Jack, who shrunk back and bit his lip. One particular incident with a fanatic involved one of Jack's classmates, an avid fan of Pitch's works. And of course, the whole friend of a friend of a friend telephone chain happened in the span of forty-eight hours, and suddenly Pitch had a college student stalking him. Said stalker pursued Pitch until the authorities were called when said stalker tried to break into Pitch's apartment through his window – _which was on the fifth floor._

It wasn't even the window with the fire escape ladder…

Since then, Jack has been sworn to never tell anyone Pitch's address. His friend, Jamie, was fine in knowing and quite welcome in the author's home at reasonable times. And even Vidya, Toothiana's bookish baby sister, was very welcome to read his personal collection and share an intellectual conversation with the author. But he drew the line at Jack handing his address out as some kind of joke.

"Okay, so, our infamous grouchy horror writer is married…" Bunny commented.

"…where did you honeymoon?" Jack asked.

"Jack!" Tooth scolded, face burning.

"What? You're thinking it too!"

Pitch groaned, wishing desperately for a drink. But he knew if he broke out the drinks now, North would take it upon himself to play mix-master and see them all plastered – to the floor, the couches, the walls, and possibly his ceiling – before eight.

"We went to Italy," he deadpanned, "Where we proceeded to stuff our faces with every form of carb, cheese, sauce, and drank ourselves silly enough to steal a skiff and take our own tour of the canals."

Though slightly startled, Jack, Bunny and North burst out laughing. Sandy giggled silently, wondering where he put those pictures the two had taken of themselves during their 'honeymoon'.

"So is this just a social call or…?" Tooth asked, gesturing to the flowers. Pitch shrugged.

"I'm not sure. He emailed me a few days ago saying he might stop by, but he did not say why," he said. He wandered over to the kitchen bar and picked up the card.

"Come on, open it!" Jack crowed.

"My personal life is not a soap opera, Frost. I'll read it when you lot get out of my apartment," Pitch said, turning the card this way and that. But all he could find was his name neatly written on it, and a red wax seal imprinted with an oak leaf and an artfully curved 'S'; Samhain's business and personal seal.

"Pitch, I think at this point we don't have many secrets between us anymore," Bunny chortled.

The author fixed them all his typical scathing scowl, the one that usually had them all taking a step back. But apparently the humor of the moment gave them all the strength to withstand the heated stare.

Pitch growled to himself, but nonetheless, he knew when he was beat – and outnumbered. Snatching a pen from the stationary box on the bar, he clicked it and used the tip to neatly pry the seal open. Flipping the flap back, he withdrew a single sheet of paper from the envelope, and began to silently read it to himself.

A couple minutes passed with the guests leaning on the edges of their seats, looking at Pitch expectantly. The author hummed thoughtfully, expression softening as he read on. He suddenly nodded once, folded the paper back up, and slipped it back into its envelope. He then wandered over to the coffee table in the middle of his living room.

"Well? What does it say?" North asked.

Pitch did not answer, instead he leaned down to pick up the ash tray on his coffee table – purely for decoration; he abhorred smoking. Carefully removing the lotus-arranged tea candles from the tray, he brought it back to the bar, and dug around a drawer momentarily.

"Pitch?" Tooth inquired. Beside her, Sandy blinked once before his expression fell flat, resigned.

Pitch withdrew a long lighter from the drawer and placed the envelope in the ash tray. The others shot to their feet when he clicked the lighter on, and surged to the bar when he lit said envelope on fire.

"NO!" they all shouted in devastation. Pitch merely smirked as the flames ate up the paper and melted the seal.

"You told me to open it, you never said I had to _share_ what was written in it," he said flippantly.

Sandy quirked an unimpressed brow, but Pitch ignored the short man. He watched the other four bemoan their devastation at being denied their drama, before he stretched his arms over his head and yawned.

"Well, it is getting rather late, and I have a deadline to meet this weekend," he announced, "I need to be up early tomorrow, so I suggest you all continue your dramatics elsewhere."

"Piiiitch, why did you fricken _burn_ it?!" Jack whined, gazing tearfully at the smoldering ashes.

"Oh please, like you were _not_ planning to take it, photocopy it, and plaster it all over your campus," Pitch snorted. Jack pointedly avoided Pitch's gaze.

"But we will get to meet Samhain again, yes?" North inquired with a level gaze at Pitch. The author was not swayed.

"Why, so you can haze him like an overbearing father? Not happening. Now get out of my apartment." Pitch said.

"But-"

" _Now._ "

Four out of five of his guests pouted, before they all shuffled for the door to sulk out of the spacious apartment. Sandy however was smiling happily and gave his friend a dryly amused look.

"And just what are you smiling about, Sanderson?" Pitch droned. The shorter man shrugged.

" _Nothing. Nothing at all, Pitch."_ He signed. He waved goodbye to the other and shut the door behind him, the apartment now devoid of anyone except its leased occupant. Once sure they were gone, Pitch reached into his back pocket. He pulled out the paper that he had pulled from the envelope with some slight-of-hand before burning it. He read the time, date and address written on it and smirked.

Nothing like a bit of sneaky mischief among friends…

 **~s~S~s~**

Two days later, a certain loveable college student by the name of Jack Frost could be found studying at the library near the university. Or perhaps 'studying' wasn't the most accurate term. _Pretending_ to study – and badly at that – seemed more accurate. You couldn't get any more transparent when you were playing with your 3DS behind a propped-up book on physics. Said book was even standing upside down…

And if that wasn't bad enough, it was made even worse when you were playing against an eight-year-old sitting across from you at the same table. Especially when you were both running commentary.

"YES! One hit KO!" Baby-Tooth exclaimed, earning more than one irritated look from nearby students who were actually studying.

"You cheater! We agreed on no Fairy-types!" Jack snapped, trying to recover from the sudden loss of his third best player.

"That was _last_ round!" the smug girl stated. Beside her, her younger and more bookish sister sighed.

"You two are being loud. Again." She said, lowering her book – 'The Fundamentals of Psychology', freshman edition. "You're going to get us kicked out. _Again._ "

"Oh come on, Vid, lighten up," Baby-Tooth said. "We're not breaking any rules or anything."

"Talking loudly and using the library's wifi to play Pokémon with Jack isn't exactly _for_ the rules either," Vidya deadpanned, "And I'm pretty sure misuse of a book is, in fact, against the rules…that, and it's not the least bit convincing, Jack."

Jack pouted at Vidya, but he had to admit she was right. In the end, he just gave up on the charade and put the book down to openly play with his favorite tag-along. The six-year-old bookworm was not the least bit impressed.

"And here I thought you would be studying for once…" she sighed, going back to her book. Jack scoffed.

"Are you kidding? I got this." Jack said, before he frowned down at his screen as his opponent knocked down more hit-points from him. "And even if I did need to study, it's not like I could focus."

"Is this about that thing with Pitch?" Baby-Tooth asked offhandedly. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, he and that Sow guy…" he said.

"It is pronounced as, 'shav-nah' or 'saw-vin' as the 'mh' creates the 'v' sound in the proper Gaelic tongue," Vidya chimed in, adjusting her glasses. "The debate of Gerald Gardiner's mispronunciation and therefore the spread of the improper pronunciation of 'sow-wen' is still ongoing, though one must consider foreign accents, dialects, enunciation, lingual alphabets…"

"Vidya, oh my god, please…" Jack groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. Baby-Tooth only laughed while Vidya rolled her eyes.

"I didn't get the whole story from Tooth," she said, closing her 3DS. "So like, he has a boyfriend?"

"Husband, supposedly."

"He's _married_ to a _guy?_ "

"I know!"

"Homosexuality is not as strange as humans make it out to be. The animal kingdom has boasted an almost even balance to homosexual tendencies to heterosexual mates. It's been a common thing since before the first Homosapien. Mammals in particular commonly have same-sex mates, and since we humans are mammals-"

"Vid, please, don't…" Jack groaned. He had no issues with people who were gay – he's looked at his own fair share of guys – but he did _not_ need to hear about the history of homosexuality from a six-year-old…

"Please do not stifle me." Vidya deadpanned.

Again, Jack groaned. It was haunting. She was picking up on Pitch's condescending and deadpan vocabulary and way of speaking. And he _swore_ he could hear her picking up his accent too! He was corrupting her!

"Okay, so he's married… _how?_ " Baby-Tooth asked.

"I'd imagine the same way most people are," Jack said cheekily, "When a man and _another_ man like each other _very_ much…"

"Ew! Shut up!" Baby-Tooth gagged, before she ducked her head as a student irritably shushed her. Jack, in turn, flipped the irritable student off.

"North called it a 'marriage of convenience'," he supplied, "You know, they did it for the benefits and stuff. They kind of turned it from marriage to like a 'best friends forever' thing…"

"Such ceremonies were actually quite common in older times," Vidya said, "Those 'blood brother' ceremonies we see on TV, while skewed in the media perception, was common, and there are even certain 'sibling' ceremonies conducted today. Geisha in particular still practice to cement an apprentice becoming their 'sister'."

Jack blinked slowly, trying to quell the need to palm his face and curse Pitch for enabling Vidya. She was a brilliant girl, but the author had turned her from an overly meek and sweet little bookworm, to a disciple in the ways of dry humor and know-it-all-ness.

' _You will pay for this, Black…'_ he thought. He sighed and suddenly stood up to stretch.

"I need a hot chocolate. You guys want anything from the café?" he asked.

"Hot chocolate for me," Baby-Tooth said, opening her 3DS again to continue playing.

"Earl Grey, please. No sugar." Vidya said primly.

Jack resisted rolling his eyes. _'Yes, your highness,'_ he thought as he trudged to the rather larger café near the entrance to the library.

The library was a very large and high-end one. It had been founded and built only three years after the university had been established, and technically belonged to the school. It was completely open to the public though, and boasted some rather fantastic architecture. People from all over the tristate area came to it as a tourist attraction, and many well-known authors – Pitch Black included – held signing events here.

It was popular among the art students – the almost Victorian style and shifting art displays were perfect for drawing practice. It also had one of the most popular cafés nestled in the lobby area just around the mountain-like fountain that stretched up three out of the ten floors.

Said café made _the best_ hot chocolate in town – next to North, that is. No one beat his hot chocolate, though Jack still hadn't figured out what he put in it to make him feel so relaxed and goofy. Whatever it was, it sometimes gave him a headache the next morning if he drank too much…

The college student stood in the surprisingly short line to put in his order. Afternoons on weekends were always a bit iffy. They were either so busy, the line led out into the lobby – sometimes even the parking lot – or the students were actually sleeping or had no homework for once and were not there to hold up the line. In this case, everyone was probably still in bed.

' _And I'm stuck here studying…'_ Jack thought with a pout. Well, not really studying, but he was at least making the effort to _pretend…_

Jack yawned, casting his eyes over the spacious café as he waited. The usual few students typing away at their computers were present, along with some locals not attending the university. He saw a couple professors here and there, grading papers or posting assignments online. An art student seemed to be growing increasingly frustrated at his inability to draw the mug of coffee placed in front of him, and sitting at a booth by one of the wrought iron windows…

Jack gasped, jumping out of the line and behind a support beam decked with a circular counter with coffee and tea additives. The people standing behind him gave him odd looks, but didn't argue at having one less person to stand behind.

"Oh, my god…" he rasped with a grin.

He easily recognized the wild red locks from not even two days ago.

Samhain was sitting at one of the booths tucked in the corner of the café. His coat was neatly draped over his lap, revealing a plain dark brown button-up and black pants similar to what he had worn when Jack last saw him. He still wore his Celtic gold band – geez, Pitch really went all out on the ring, Jack thought – and his hair held back loosely by an elastic. A mug of what Jack could only assume was either tea or coffee sat steaming in front of him as he fiddled with his phone. What was odd though was the second cup of steaming liquid beside him. Did he order two drinks?

He was acting so normal, so _mundane_ that one would almost miss him if not for his startling appearance.

"What is he doing here…?" Jack wondered aloud. He no sooner blanched when Samhain suddenly looked _right at him, and waved._

Jack gaped, about to dumbly pick up his hand and wave back for lack of anything better to do. But he was nearly startled out of his skin when a slim shadow passed him by.

"There you are." Jack choked down a yelp as Pitch suddenly walked right past him, supposedly missing him entirely. Samhain's eyes followed the author, making Jack sag in relief; he hadn't been seen. He had been looking at Pitch, he assured himself.

Bewildered, he watched the redhead stand to greet Pitch. Jack swallowed as the two smiled – Pitch actually _smiled_ – and embraced briefly, exchanging words too quiet for Jack to hear.

They both smiled at each other again before Samhain gestured to the booth, and Pitch removed his coat and slid in across from Samhain. The redhead gestured to the second drink, saying something to Pitch with a quirked brow. The author in turn rolled his eyes and accepted the drink as they settled in. They almost immediately began talking.

Jack frowned, unable to hear what was being said. He quickly looked around for any place where he could both hide and eavesdrop on the pair. Luck was obviously on his side, as the student sitting in the booth directly behind the two men was vacated. It took some stealth on Jack's part, and came with a few quirked brows and odd looks, but Jack managed to slide into the booth without being seen. He pressed back into the comfortably worn seat, sitting back to back with Pitch as he listened.

"-and you don't even have the decency to call first? For shame," Pitch commented in what was obviously a teasing tone.

"And ruin the surprise? I think not," Samhain replied, pausing to supposedly take a sip of his drink. "And besides, you knew I was coming regardless. We both lost our element of surprise years ago."

"Before or after we got married?"

"I'd imagine sometime before."

Jack nearly gagged at the hybrid of blatant flirting and shameless banter.

"Have you been seeing anyone? You know I do not expect you to wait up for me," Pitch teased. Samhain scoffed.

"Oh please, how could I possibly move on from you?" he sighed.

"Well, I suppose it _is_ difficult to replace me. I'm quite a catch."

' _Oh, gag…!'_ Jack thought, sticking his tongue out. Was this really worth it?

"Well our time in high school certainly didn't help," Samhain remarked, and Jack had the feeling he was smirking. "It's not easy to forget your kissing-practice student."

Jack slapped a hand over his mouth to hold in the loud squeak he nearly let loose. This wasn't worth it, he thought. This was _not worth it!_ And yet _somehow_ , he was prompted to stay.

He heard Pitch chuckle darkly. "No, I suppose it is not. Although, you weren't _that_ good of a teacher. I just happened to be a good student," he said.

"Don't be so modest, Pitch, it doesn't suit you," Samhain deadpanned.

Pitch laughed, startling Jack. He hadn't heard Pitch laugh like that very often – usually it was at others' expense, and it was usually a lot darker. With Samhain, he actually _laughed._ It was…a bit haunting, if Jack were honest.

"But seriously, Samhain. What's with the sudden surprise visit? I thought you would be stuck in Ireland until the New Year." Pitch said curiously.

Samhain nodded. "I thought so too, but a…certain matter came up."

"Oh?" Pitch inquired, leaning on his elbows towards Samhain intently. Jack found himself pressing further into his seat too. "It is nothing serious I hope?"

"Serious, yes. But nothing to be concerned about," Samhain was quick to add before Pitch could get worried. But the author only frowned in confusion.

"Well what is it?" he asked.

Jack was close to biting his tongue off at this point. He also seemed to be making a fabulous effort in merging with his seat backing. Samhain was silent for a long moment, and Jack could physically feel Pitch's tension rising. In concern or impatience was anyone's guess, but Jack had a feeling it was out of concern. Or anxiety. For a man as level-headed as Pitch, he had a surprisingly notable sense of anxiety that was almost palpable when he was stressed.

He heard the familiar 'click' of a smartphone being turned on, and an app being selected. A couple swipes of the screen, and Samhain audibly shifted to show it to Pitch.

"His name is Halistair," he said softly, in such a way that conveyed affection and slight hesitation. "I met him several months ago during a business trip that took me to Galway."

Jack felt ice drop into his gut, eyes wide on the empty seat across from him. Halistair. Met on a business trip. _Marriage of convenience_. No…no, Samhain couldn't possibly be implying…

Pitch was silent, supposedly staring at what was no doubt a picture on Samhain's phone.

"I…Samhain, this is…" Pitch looked up at Samhain, and Jack tried to block out the mental image of Pitch's look of devastation. No, no, Samhain _wasn't…_ "Are you…?"

A pause, and Samhain nodded with a faint, uncertain smile.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Pitch, but I am asking for a divorce." He said softly.

Jack did not need to hear anymore. Heart racing, he leaped from the booth and behind a waiter passing by as cover, and fled the café. He raced back into the library, dread and fury bubbling to the surface at what he had heard. He completely ignored the staff and students snapping at him at his running, and nearly crashed into the desk his younger cohorts were seated at.

"Whoa! Slow down, Jack," Baby-Tooth said, frowning at the college student. "Where's our drinks?"

Vidya frowned as she took in the pale student. "Jack, are you alright? You look pale…that is, _paler._ "

Jack shuddered briefly, lips tightening as the events of the day caught up to him. Divorce. Samhain was asking Pitch for a _divorce_ , and all because he met _someone else…_

His emotions were a dizzying storm for only a second longer, before tall but one froze. Cold, furious anger.

"We gotta go. Now." He said through clenched teeth. The girls seemed taken aback.

"Jack, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Baby-Tooth asked.

Jack quickly grabbed his bag, throwing his game console into it. "We just need to leave. I need to talk to the others. There's…something's come up, and we need to go."

The girls looked at one another uncertainly. But sensing the barely contained fury in the lanky college student, they decided not to argue. Something had obviously spooked him, and it had outright made Jack furious. College students overall were a force of nature, and you did not want to be in the same room as one when they were angry.

Being in the same zip code with a furious Jack Frost was fast becoming something much, much worse…

 **~s~S~s~**

The elevator dinged as its doors opened to admit one horror author by the name of Pitch Black. Said author was not really well-known for his good moods, nor was it a good idea to expect him to be in a pleasant mood on most days.

Today, however, many would be startled to see how _chipper_ the usually scowling man was.

He was actually smiling as he walked with a light stride towards his apartment. Today had been one of surprises and quite a bit of catching up. But it had been very pleasant regardless. He had only been able to spend about an hour and a half with Samhain at the café, but it more than made up for the months of separation.

The willowy man felt his lips pull into a wider smile as he approached his door. He was practically giddy as he pulled out his keys. He slipped the key into the lock, turning it once to-

…it wouldn't turn. The door was already unlocked.

Pitch blinked, before his smile dropped into an exasperated scowl. He _knew_ he had locked his door when he left. Standing on the tips of his toes, he peered up and over the decorative light fixture beside his door.

The spare key was gone, and he felt his once good mood turn and sour in record time.

"Oh for the love of…!" he shoved his keys back into his pocket and grabbed the door handle, throwing it open with an angry scowl. "Frost, what have I told you about breaking into my-"

He froze, eyes wide as he took in the group of people now standing in his apartment. He blinked owlishly, as if to clear away what was obviously his many sleepless nights catching up to him.

…no, they were still there.

Jack, Tooth, Bunny, North and Sandy were all standing facing the door in his living room. What also caught Pitch off guard were the items piled on his coffee table. There appeared to be three tubs of ice cream of various flavors. There was also a plate with what appeared to be a variety of fresh-baked cookies, a pan of brownies, and a newly opened box of tissues.

And yet despite the ridiculous lineup of items on his coffee table, his floormates all appeared worryingly solemn. In fact, if he didn't know any better, he would say there was _sympathy_ in their eyes…

He blinked a few more times. Still there. Alright, so he wasn't hallucinating. His floormates were, in fact, all gathered in his apartment with questionable items piled on his coffee table – of which he was growing a bit irritated at. The melting condensation on the ice cream tubs was going to leave a water stain!

"What…" he started slowly, "Are you all doing in my apartment?"

It was silent for the longest time. But out of nowhere, Tooth suddenly burst into tears and ran straight for Pitch.

"Oh Pitch, we're so sorry!" she cried, throwing her arms around the startled man – or as much as she could. She was ridiculously short, and Pitch was ridiculously tall, so she only managed to get her wrists around his neck as she hugged him.

Pitch could only blink in startled confusion as the others softly gave…condolences?

' _What the absolute hell is going on…?'_ he wondered as Tooth sobbed into his chest.

"I think he's in shock…" Bunny suddenly muttered. North nodded solemnly.

"Is not surprising," he said, lumbering over to Pitch. He placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and looked at Pitch with such a heartbroken look, it nearly made Pitch want to flee. "Pitch, we are so, so very sorry…"

"Wha-…what?" Pitch rasped. He had never felt so confused in all his life!

He startled when he felt his short, blonde colleague take his hand and gently lead him to the living room couch. Tooth had let go of him but was apparently adamant in holding his arm, as if she were afraid he would collapse.

"Wait, what are you-?" Pitch was abruptly ushered onto the couch. Jack and Sandy plopped down on either side of him while the others took the seats across from him. Sandy offered him a spoon and a tub of ice cream.

And Pitch could only _stare_ at them all…

It was once more silent, and Pitch was about to open his mouth and say something, but Bunny beat him to it.

"No, Sandy, you start with the brownies first," he scolded, pointing to the deep-dish pan. "Ice cream's for stage two."

"It's Pitch's choice! And maybe men go in a different order…" Tooth wondered, her voice somewhat tight from her sudden cry.

"Pretty sure it's brownies first…"

"Nyet! Cookies will be more effective first!"

"Knew I should have brought drinks…"

"Alcohol doesn't help! It makes you do stupid things like _call_ the person!"

"Ugh, good point…"

Sandy draped a blanket – _not_ one of his, seeing as it was a garish yellow and had seashell print all over it – over Pitch's shoulders.

"Aw crap, we forgot the movies!" 

"Pitch has Netflix – I use it when he's not home on weekends."

"Christ, Jack…"

"STOP!" Pitch suddenly shouted, startling everyone into silence. The horror writer abruptly stood, swatting the blanket off his shoulders and crossing his arms as he glared in a mixture of confusion and anger at everyone.

"What the hell is going on?!" He snapped, gesturing to the junk food. "What _is_ all of this? Why are you all even here? Frost I'm not surprised about, but the _whole bloody floor?_ Did North make his 'special' eggnog again?"

No one (except Sandy, who shuddered at the memory) reacted. They only blinked in surprise at Pitch, before their eerily comforting gazes returned full force. It made Pitch shudder and want to crawl out of his skin…!

"Oh, Pitch…" Tooth said, gently tugging him back down onto the couch. "I know it's hard, and anger is a perfectly natural part of the first stage."

"Stage…? What the fu- _what stage?_ " Pitch rasped. The others looked concerned.

"Isn't denial stage two?" Jack asked worriedly.

"Sometimes it can switch around, but…" Tooth seemed uncertain. Pitch felt a vein throbbing in his left temple.

"Alright…" he said as calmly as he could manage. "Clearly I need to call someone. Paramedics, psychologists, a looney bin, _someone_. Because you have all obviously gone off the bloody deep end…"

His suspicions were confirmed when all he received in answer were sympathetic cooing and sighing. He almost fled then and there when he felt Sandy squeeze his hand in reassurance.

"The shock must be worse than we thought…" North said gravely. Pitch could only gape like a landed fish.

"Is there a _gas leak_ in here? Did I have a stroke in the elevator and now I'm in some kind of twisted hell?" he rasped.

"Pitch, we know…" Jack suddenly said dejectedly. Pitch blinked, looking over at the unusually sullen and borderline depressed student.

Well that wasn't helpful, but it was a start he supposed. "Know _what?_ "

The others hesitated, before North decided to play advocate and spoke.

"About the div-"

"Pitch! You forgot your-!" Samhain paused, hand on the doorknob and Pitch's phone in the other as he stared at the odd gathering in the living room. The floormates all stared at Samhain in shock, before five pairs of eyes narrowed angrily.

"You son of a bitch…" Bunny snarled.

Samhain blinked, quirking a brow. "I'm sorry, is this some new method of greeting for Americans? It doesn't seem all that welcoming…"

North swore something no doubt very colorful in Russian, jumping to his full height and marching towards the suddenly startled redhead. Samhain backed up somewhat, but the larger man caught him by his jacket lapels, hauling him inside and slamming the door shut so he couldn't escape.

"What the hell-NORTH! You put him down this instant!" Pitch snapped, jumping from his seat. Bunny held him back from approaching the furious Russian, and he was stunned to see no one doing anything but watching in some sort of dark anticipation.

North snarled down at the smaller man that hung calmly in his oversized fists.

"How dare you…" he snarled, glaring hell and brimstone at the confused redhead. "You would dare bring harm to our friend like this? You would dare break the trust he gave you? _Udlyudok!_ He trusted and _cared_ about you!"

"What in the-WHOA!" Samhain grabbed North's hands as the Russian pressed him into the door.

"You do not deserve our friend, but you will _not_ break his heart like this!" North snapped.

"Break my…" Pitch was three seconds away to tearing his hair out. "Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!"

"Calm down, we know, Pitch," Jack said with an icy glare to the redhead being threatened by North.

" _WHAT DO YOU KNOW?_ " Pitch snapped, eyes sliding between his friend and his clearly mad floormates.

Jack looked away in mild shame. "At the café. I saw you guys there and heard him say…that he was going to leave you for some other guy!"

All at once, Samhain and Pitch both blinked dumbly, staring at the Russian and student respectively. Silence fell over them all as the floormates took in the two men's expressions. But all too soon, the shock was broken in what could only be the most inappropriate way. Samhain's lips trembled slightly, before his mouth split into a full grin. And still held in the clutches of a borderline homicidal Russian man twice his height and four times his weight, Samhain began to _laugh._

The others stared at Samhain like he had suddenly turned into a madman. Pitch, however, looked so deadpan and flat, he might as well not have a face at all. And while the redhead laughed, he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose with an exhausted groan.

"You all are complete and utter _idiots…_ " he groaned. The others sputtered.

"What the bloody hell? How are we idiots?!" Bunny snapped indignantly.

Pitch sighed. "North, put him down before he kicks your ass. He's quite capable, I assure you."

"What?" North squawked, looking over at Pitch in bewilderment. "But he-"

"Nicolas St. North, if you do not put him down _right now_ …" Pitch gritted out through clenched teeth.

Seeing the dark look, and hearing the venomous tone, North shot Samhain one last glare before dropping the man to his feet. The redhead primly smoothed his jacket down and regarded North calmly. Pitch then fixed the others a firm look, marching over to North and prompting the Russian to step back. He spoke quietly to Samhain in a language the others could not place, nor understand with how softly they spoke. North nearly jumped at the redhead when he placed a hand on Pitch's arm and shook his head with a dryly amused expression. Pitch rolled his eyes and turned to regard his 'guests'. He crossed his arms.

"Alright, let's start over, shall we?" he said tersely, amber eyes landing on Jack. "What, exactly, did you hear him say at the café?"

The college student swallowed thickly, suddenly very uncertain. "I…I heard him say he met some guy in Gallaway-"

"Galway," Pitch correctly flatly.

"Whatever! I heard him say he met some guy there and he wanted a divorce!" Jack snapped.

Pitch's brow twitched, and Samhain, shockingly, held a hand to his mouth to withhold a chuckle. Confusion settled over the others at the way the two men were behaving.

"This _guy_ …" Pitch started slowly, as if speaking to a dimwitted child. "Was his name by chance, 'Halistair'?"

"Yeah!" Jack exclaimed.

Samhain wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. He laughed into his hand, trembling mirthfully. Pitch, meanwhile, could only scrub his hands over his face and groan, tipping his head back to look through his fingers at the ceiling.

"Just once. Just _once_ I would like to get through a day without your misguided antics…" he muttered.

The others blinked. "Misguided…? He's not leaving you?" Tooth asked, her cheeks flushing.

Samhain coughed to calm his chuckles. "Oh no, I am, but not for the reason you think…"

"But you are still leaving Pitch!" North snapped.

"Yes, he is, and I have an appointment for us tomorrow to sign the papers at my lawyer's office," Pitch growled.

The floormates gaped with wide eyes. Samhain sighed, his amused smile still present as he placed a hand on Pitch's shoulder.

"I think we should start over," he said.

Pitch growled, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides as he marched into the kitchen. He needed a strong drink. Maybe he had some poison for the others…

 **~s~S~s~**

Seated in the living room, everyone sat in palpable tension and confusion – sans Samhain, who was still looking serenely amused. Pitch, holding a scotch on the rocks with a few 'extras' in it, regarded everyone with sharp eyes and an unamused frown.

"Yes, we are getting a divorce – a _mutual_ divorce," he said before North could break in. "Yes, he is leaving me for this Halistair boy, but not in the way you lot think."

"Well what else could he do with another guy if he's leaving you for him?!" Bunny snapped.

Pitch looked utterly bored at this point. He held out his hand to the redhead sitting next to him. Samhain took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Pitch. The author engaged the phone, putting in its password – his birthday, how original – and accessed the photos. Finding the right one, he regarded the others darkly.

"Samhain's entrepreneurship deals in safe havens for all manner of people – battered women and men, animals, human rights avocation, rehabs, safe houses, and orphanages. This…" he turned the phone so his floormates could see the photo on the phone screen. "Is Halistair."

The others nearly tipped out of their seats to see the image of the man who they anticipated Samhain was seeing and leaving Pitch for.

Only, there was no man in the picture. There was just one person.

A boy with bright, fiery red-blonde hair, no older than perhaps seven, sat in the dewy grass of a pumpkin patch. Grinning widely up at the camera, he held a pumpkin that was almost as big as his head in his black gloved hands, donned in a winter-edition of some kind of boarding uniform. He was pale as porcelain, his eyes startling in their color – not unlike Samhain's own eyes.

The floormates blinked dumbly, staring at the image in a strange mixture of confusion, and the conflicting urge to coo over the fire-bright boy in the picture.

"…isn't he a bit young for you?" Jack suddenly blurted. He seemed as shocked at his own words as the others were.

"We…we do not understand…" North rasped, looking at the two men in confusion. "This is a little boy…"

"Yes. Halistair is a ward of Ireland," Pitch explained, taking the phone back to look at the picture himself. He sighed, exhausted but fond of the image. "If you had stayed but a moment longer, Frost, you would have heard Samhain explain why he needs the divorce."

"To date a kid?" Jack asked with a grimace. Bunny abruptly kicked him in the shin.

"You bloody dill! That's not it!" the florist suddenly looked over at Samhain suspiciously. "Right?"

"Quite right," Samhain said, crossing his arms as he regarded his audience. "I am not leaving Pitch for another man. I am leaving him so I can _adopt_ Halistair."

The five floormates blinked in dumbfounded shock. Adopt…? He was planning to adopt the boy…?

"But…why leave Pitch…?" Tooth asked. North suddenly frowned thoughtfully.

"Ireland…he belongs to boarding faculty?" he asked as realization seemed to dawn on him. Both Pitch and Samhain nodded.

"Yes. While Ireland has made great strides in its regard towards same-sex couples, there are still a high number of religious folk in power who would not even let me set foot in the door if they found out I was married to another man." Samhain said.

"Halistair belongs to a Catholic boarding house in Galway. It is a precarious position, because Halistair has many red marks on his adoption ledger," Pitch explained, "And their screening process is _very_ thorough. A divorce is not a pretty mark on paper, but for the boarding house, it would be better than seeing Samhain was married to a man."

"Legally, they can't ask who I divorced, nor do I need to put names down on the documents. It will simply show that I am divorced – mutually divorced – and nothing more," Samhain said, crossing his legs as he leaned towards Pitch to look at the picture on his phone. He smiled widely. "It is drastic, I know, but Halistair is merciless. The little thing stole my heart the moment I met him at a meeting to discuss funding for his boarding house…"

Pitch passed him his phone and crossed his arms again. "He is a wonderful young boy, and just from what I have gathered from Samhain, is just as eager to be with Samhain as he is him. This also means he will be settling down from his frequent travels, and likely within our own city."

Samhain nodded. "I have a place set up for us already, and we plan to proceed with the legal matters before the week is over. And that's all this is. I'm not leaving Pitch because I'm interested in another romantic party. We are divorcing mutually so I may give a home to a darling young boy I can't find myself living without."

A stunned silence fell over the room, the five once angry floormates gaping like landed fish. Jack seemed the most flabbergasted, his cheeks having darkened somewhat as embarrassment set in. The whole matter of the misunderstanding was almost worthy of Hollywood, and the shock factor at the sudden 'twist' would make even the most insane adrenaline junkie dizzy.

Sandy suddenly raised a hand to get their attention, signing to Pitch.

" _So…this is a mutual decision. You're getting divorced so Samhain isn't shot down during the screening process so he can adopt Halistair?"_ he asked.

Pitch nodded. "Yes, Sanderson. This is completely mutual. There is no tearful breaking up, no anger, no grudges or whatever it is idiot couples do when they leave one another out of spite. We are _fine_ – more than fine, in fact."

Sandy nodded slowly, seemingly in a daze as he processed everything. The others seemed just as taken aback, and their zombie-like expressions nearly had Samhain laughing again.

He suddenly cleared his throat. "Well, if there are no other questions…?"

The others slowly shook their heads, and Samhain stood with Pitch. The author sighed.

"I'm sorry about this, I had _no_ idea we were being spied on. I should have _expected_ it actually…" he frowned at the red-faced college student, and decided he couldn't break his balls right now. He was suffering enough as it was. He would let him get over the shock of everything, and _then_ break his balls. And his legs. And his fingers while he's at it – you can't use a key very well if your fingers are broken.

"It is fine. Looking back, it _does_ all sound rather dubious, and I apologize for not making it clear sooner…" Samhain chuckled, smiling up at the taller man. "I shall see you at your lawyer's office tomorrow?"

"Three 'o' clock, yes. I'll see you then," Pitch assured with a weary smile. Samhain grinned, and to the dismay of the others' already frazzled nerves, pushed up onto his tip-toes to kiss Pitch's cheek.

"Well then, I must be off. Again, I apologize for the confusion. Goodnight, everyone." He said to the five stunned floormates. He smiled and turned on his heels, showing himself out the door and shutting it behind himself with a quiet click.

And then there were six…

It was silent for a long, awkward moment. The others did not seem to know what to do now, except Sandy. The short man had long since buried every emotion he felt under a layer of weariness, and a glass of some of Pitch's scotch – a _very_ tall glass.

Tooth suddenly broke the silence, her cheeks flushed red. "Um…I-I should get going. Baby-Tooth needs…help with homework…"

No one considered mentioning that it was a weekend and that Baby-Tooth likely had the best help from her baby sister. Pitch merely nodded in farewell to Tooth as she trudged out of the apartment. Bunny stood from his seat, eying the brownies on the coffee table and Pitch in turn. He sagged, picking up the tray and shoving it into Pitch's hands.

"Apology brownies…" the florist muttered before he too skulked out of the apartment, all the while muttering about drinking himself into a coma at home.

North stood next, index fingers pressing together meekly. Pitch quirked a brow at the Russian. North cleared his throat.

"Ah, please…enjoy cookies…" he said, shuffling to the door. It shut with a click, and Pitch was now left with a deadpan Sandy and a very, _very_ dazed Jack Frost.

Pitch sighed, shoulders sagging as he plopped back down onto the couch next to Jack. They said nothing for a while, the college student too embarrassed, and Pitch too tired. So he did what any good friend would do when another had their worlds turned upside down.

Picking up a spoon and the half-melted tub of mint chip off the coffee table, he offered it to Jack with a wry look.

"We all make mistakes, Frost." He said.

Jack accepted the ice cream with that sort of exhausted enthusiasm most people his age seemed to possess, and proceeded to shovel it into his mouth with gusto. Sandy sipped his drink with a colorful curly straw – where the hell did he even get that, Pitch wondered. A sudden knock at the door had the three men looking up at it in dread. Getting up, Pitch peered through the peep-hole briefly before opening the door.

"Ah, I forgot something, excuse me…" A very meek looking North muttered, sliding past Pitch and to the armchair he had previously occupied. Reaching behind it, the others watched in varying degrees of horror as he pulled his shotgun out from behind the chair.

North regarded the three faces contemplatively. Clearing his throat, he cocked it open and removed the two shells in the chamber and pocketed them.

Pitch's expression closed off entirely, causing North to swallow thickly as the author continued to hold the door open for him.

"Ah…goodnight, Pitch," North said with a strained smile, sliding past Pitch once more and vanishing down the hallway.

He still held his door open, and suddenly Jack and Sandy lost the will to try and merge with their respective seats. Picking up his ice cream – plus the other two tubs – Jack shuffled past Pitch with a quiet, 'night' and left. Sandy followed suit, drink and curly straw in hand. He signed a quick farewell to Pitch before the author gently closed the door behind the short man.

He stood staring at the door for a minute or so, before he trudged off to his room – snagging up the bottle of scotch on the way.

He put a reminder in his phone to buy new locks…

 **~s~S~s~**

The next day, Pitch and Samhain's divorce would be finalized, and the redhead would leave the next day to get his potential son. He managed to avoid springing for more luggage that day due to the plethora of new clothes, toys and other things for a child Halistair's age. Apparently after the initial shock – and embarrassment – had passed, the entire floor was suddenly adamant in chipping in for the boy Samhain was going to adopt. Pitch tried to caution them that there was no guarantee, but the other five were not having it. Besides, nothing said, "I'm sorry for nearly mauling you after thinking you were divorcing our friend for another guy" more than flooding Pitch's apartment with toys, clothes and other items for Halistair.

Samhain was a bit disappointed he couldn't sneak Bunny's 'apology brownies' onto the plane, but Pitch held onto them for him for when he got back. Provided he came back before he ate them all. Bunny may be a hardass at times, but _damn_ could he make a good brownie…

Three days would go by with Pitch and his floormates waiting in anticipation to hear back from Samhain. Adoption took time though, and sadly they could wait anywhere from a week to a month to hear back from Samhain.

Another four days would pass, when Pitch suddenly felt his phone vibrate with a text. Engaging his phone, he would barely avoid tripping over his own gangly legs to rush out of his apartment and bang on his floormates' doors.

The photo attached to the text nearly had the whole floor giving out with how excited everyone was. Neighbors below them would shout and bang their ceilings with brooms, but no one paid them any mind.

 _ **We're coming home**_ , the text read. Attached to it was a photo of an excited and teary-eyed Samhain holding an equally emotional Halistair in his arms. A certificate of legal and official adoption was clutched in the little boy's gloved hands, its gold borders and documented words and names belying its worth.

And although it made him a little exasperated, Pitch allowed his floormates to invade his home once more to throw an 'adoption shower' slash 'welcome home' party for when Samhain returned with his new son. He just hoped his overly exuberant floormates didn't scare the poor boy; this was an overwhelming occasion after all, and on top of that, he was coming to a whole new country.

Regardless, he let it be.

He could hardly feel much regret when Jack took a picture of his face when Samhain announced Pitch as Halistair's godfather.

 **END**


	2. MIGRATING TO AO3

**IMPORTATN FANFICTION DOT NET PSA!**

As some of you may know, FF is pretty much turning into hell for writers due to a whole plethora of reasons: crashes of the system, loss of entire works, failures to upload new chapters/stories, unjust deletion due to reports from Trolls United, and so on and so forth. This is only an example of just the _minimum_ of the issues here.

FF was the place many of us first started writing fanfiction. I've been here for over a decade (I've been Sumi for half of that decade, and was under another username for the other half), and as much I as I am fond of FF, I think it's time to migrate.

I'm sick of the system here. The security is extremely outdated and undermanaged. Last I heard, that JavaScript hacker is still on the loose, and no news has been brought up by the FF team about looking into it or not. I could have missed any news, but my recent search has yielded nothing.

That said, **no, I am not deleting my fics.** They will all stay right here as is.

 **Here's what's going to happen!**

I will migrate all my fics to AO3 (or rather those that are not there already)

All but **Solitude and Darkness** will get a thorough and abrasive editing and grammar cleanup (SaD is excluded for now due to its length; its edits will be held off until winter break).

These edits will be ongoing, and fics that are going through editing will have the tag **"Editing in Progress"** while those who have been through and completed their editing will have the tag **"Editing Complete"**.

Editing will be slow going as I finish up school. There's a lot of fics to go through and a LOT of cleaning up.

I will **no longer be updating fics here on FF**.

I will **update my fics on AO3 instead.**

 **None of the fics here will be deleted, they will simply not be updated on this platform, nor will they be edited.**

And that's it! The only major change is some deep-cleaning of my fics, and moving to AO3. No fics here will be deleted, but they will not be updated here. Instead all fics will get their cleanup and updates on AO3.

 **Now some Qs and As**

 **Can I still read your fics if I don't have an AO3 accounts?**

Yes. AO3 is just like FF in this sense; you don't need an account to read anything. You do need one to publish though.

 **How do I find your fics?**

You can look up my **username** , which is **SumiSprite** on AO3 (no dash). All of my current and future fics will be there. You can even expect me to start creating prompts to put there too!

 **Can I get notifications for your fics?**

If you are signed up to AO3, yes. Simply hit "subscribe" on my profile to get notifications on updates to ALL of my fics, or for specific fics, hit the "subscribe" button on those particular fics.

 **Can I get an invite to AO3 from you?**

I sadly do not have any invites left, but there is surely plenty of room on AO3 for new members! Check out their sign-up page to find out more.

 **Can I comment if I don't have an AO3 account?**

Yes! A nice thing about AO3 is that you can comment as an anon or guest. Not only that, but unlike here on FF, I can also reply to you!

 **Isn't AO3 hard to navigate?**

Not in the slightest. Honestly, it's a lot easier than FF, and the filters are extremely efficient and clean. FF is very dubious in its filters because it will often omit keywords or checked filters on occasion. Not to mention results are becoming slim. Tags have become a godsend for readers, and AO3 does not skimp on tags for anything; you're not limited to only three character tags, and can even look up more obscure tags.

 **Does it cost money to join AO3?**

Not a dime. Every now and again they will post a donation fund, but that's about it, and you're not obliged to donate anything. It's totally free.

 **Are you an AO3 sponsor…?**

Nope. I'm basically just singing every benefit AO3 can offer than FF never has.

 **So you're JUST migrating? No fics will be deleted, and the ones you move to AO3 and those already there will be getting a major cleanup, and all updates and new stories will be put there while your FF account will just be dormant?**

In a nutshell, _YES._

 **An obscure question I've been getting from a few readers: if by some chance you do decide to delete any and ALL of your fics, will you give us a warning so we can save the ones we really enjoyed?**

 _Absolutely._ __I've gotten this question numerous times, and as someone who has been disappointed to find a beloved fic just vanish out of nowhere, I completely understand the concern. If by some god-awful happenstance I want to delete everything, or just one or two fics, you _WILL_ be notified with a PSA chapter, and given maybe a week or two to save anything you want. I'm not going to be that author who just up and dumps a fic into the blackhole of the delete button, I WILL alert readers of coming deletion. It's not likely to happen though, except perhaps for one fic that needs a severe overhaul (PSA to come; it will not just vanish), but otherwise, you're not likely to lose content unless someone else deletes it for whatever reason.

So! That all said, if there are legitimate questions you have that were not answered here, by all means, leave a review or PM me. **I will still be checking in here regularly, and will get notifications for reviews and PMs.** Those will remain active until stated otherwise. But otherwise, this account will simply be an old archive for my "old" works, unedited and stagnant in my former writing style. No updates will be added to the fics here, but rather, they will be updated on AO3.

 **Please note: It will take time for me to fully move and edit all of my fics and get them nice and polished on AO3, so keep a lookout for the "Editing in Progress" and "Editing Complete" tags on my fics, and for thr addition of any fics missing on my AO3 that are on my FF. The hope is to have everything at least MOVED to AO3 before 2019.**

Again, if you have any questions, let me know via review or PM, or if you know me on DA, you can note me.

 **My AO3 username: SumiSprite** (no dash). **NOTE** : AO3 does not yet have a PM or IM system, so for more

So till next time folks! …or maybe not considering I'm only going to come here for PM chats and to answer questions. **ANONS. REMEMBER. I CAN'T REPLY TO YOU HERE ON FF. FF DOES NOT HAVE THE OPTION TO RESPOND TO ANONS/GUESTS.**

I hope to see you all on AO3! Much love to you all!

~S~


End file.
